just come out here and I will go home with you...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
