Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
