My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
