I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
