**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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