Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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