sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the high leading the old right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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