just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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