I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude i'm inner monologue high
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
