She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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