Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
zippers are such a cool invention
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
