just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
