I need to stop coming to work sober
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
