Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it penis luge time yet?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
