We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
