why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
