i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Randomize