So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
