I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
