He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
