Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
