my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
