He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
