i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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