I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
