i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
