It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
