Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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