my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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