Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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