whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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