last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
