i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
