a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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