respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
