Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
