Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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