Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
