does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
