I heard we made out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
