Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
