apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
