he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize