I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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