haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she was so not down for the gang bang
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
