reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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