he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
