Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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