Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
