why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
