I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
