i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
