is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
