someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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