It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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