you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
