You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
