if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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