Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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