Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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