what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
