we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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