I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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