I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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