id be glad to
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
