There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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