hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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